Wilderness Survival
by John DeVries
Fear and panic are the number one reasons people don't survive in the wilderness ... or why parents don't survive adolescence.
As I mentioned before, fear and panic are the number one reasons people don't survive in the wilderness. As you walk through the wilderness of adolescence, fear influences your behavior and will affect your chances of survival. How you react to fear depends more on you than on the situation. You need to understand yourself if you are going to be able to respond appropriately to the dangers in the wild. As parents, we may have learned to navigate the open fields of childhood when the questions were easy and the choices were less risky.
When my children were young, I often borrowed strength from my position of authority and forced my kids to do what I wanted. They were compliant and it provided me with the illusion of control. On the surface I appeared to be an excellent parent with disciplined kids. But I was only compensating for my inability to communicate, be patient, and show understanding.
To develop deep roots, a family needs to do more than just spend time together or develop communication skills; they need to build their relationship on something. Fortunately, Christians are able to build our relationships on and through a set of Biblical principles, those that sharpen character and open a connection with others. Certainly the world has worked hard at taking this piece out and they have replaced it with personality development. People are encouraged to take sensitivity training, have a positive mental attitude, and survive "one day at a time." Although skill development seems to be an excellent idea, it can move us away from real connection and more into the area of using techniques on people to get what we want.
This emphasis on "skills" seems to tell parents that they are insufficient to raise a child alone and that they need the special skills that can only be found through an expert in order to have any success with their teen. Skill-based parenting tries to get high quality results through specialized techniques and quick fixes. Parenting has lost its emphasis on character development and no longer challenges us to get our own hearts right. There are no short cuts in the natural world and whether you believe in the Bible or not, the principle of reaping what you sow governs all aspects of life. So we need experts in our lives not to teach us one more trick of communication to get our teen back under control, but to challenge us personally to help us evaluate our own internal motivation in life.
We need to challenge ourselves to change from the inside out both personally and as a family. When you are lost in the wilderness the last thing you need is another short cut. It is often the short cut that got you lost in the first place. When you are lost in the wilderness, it helps to have survival skills, but what you really need is an accurate map. Character is the map that helps you find your way in times of trouble. Character is built upon an internal foundation and provides clarity in times of confusion. It gives you a sense of who you are and who God is when you are challenged and trekking through the jungles of adolescence.
John DeVries ©
