Shelterwood

I’ve never heard of this term before until my teenage child brought it up the other day. I don’t see myself as an over-protecting and over-controlling parent, however I’m a helicopter pilot which is probably why he used the analogy. Anyway, thanks for the article, made a good read. helicopters for sale

It�s springtime and I�ve been working in the yard a lot lately. I had my first experience with a rented aerator a few weeks ago. My back is still sore because the big machine was heavy. I mean really heavy! An aerator looks like a lawnmower but it breaks up the soil in a yard. It is self-propelled and my version had 6 wheels with 12 spikes on teach wheel. As it rotates through the yard, it leaves hundreds of 2 inch holes, increasing oxygen and water consumption in the soil.

I can already tell the difference. The grass is taller, greener and thicker. But the day after I aerated, the yard looked terrible. There were hundreds of holes in the yard, the grass was messed up and there were lots of dirt �plugs� all over the place. But it�s exactly what the yard needed. The soil was hard and compacted and needed to be broken.

Sometimes our kids need an aerator. Sometimes they need �tough love.� Other times they need a hug. Only a loving, sensitive parent can apply just the right amount of pressure needed to produce a taller, greener child. The experts say we only need to aerate a yard every few years. Be careful not to be too hard, too often. �A loving father disciplines the child he loves� (Prov. 13:24). Sometimes our kids need us to step up and be firm in a situation. Sometimes they test us to see if we love them enough to be tough. Sometimes we need to crank up the aerator and apply it to the life of our teen. In love, we need to evaluate, discern and correct.

When I was a teenager in the 70�s, one day I determined that I needed �glass packs� for my �69 Camero. They make the car sound �cool� when it accelerated. Dumb now, as I think back, but something I �needed� then. I asked my dad if I could have them for my birthday and he said �no.� I begged, �But this would be for my birthday present Dad.� He replied firmly, �No, they are expensive and you don’t need them. If you want them, you�ll have to pay for them.� I was angry as I walked away. He knew I couldn’t work with school and sports taking up all my time. I never got the glass packs. But my father ran the aerator over me that day and exposed a selfish, wanting heart that needed to be tempered. My anger blended into a healthy respect and love for my dad who was willing to withhold from me what I even knew I didn’t need.

It�s not easy being the right parent for the right situation. But with God�s help and discernment, we�ll be used as His instruments to raise healthy kids. Howard Hendrix said, �God loves much whom He breaks much.� Though painful in the process, loving correction produces a soft, teachable child.

Let God use you to water your teen with encouragement, to fertilize your teen with confidence and to aerate your teen with correction.

Keeping up a yard is hard work, but in the end, come springtime, it�s beautiful

“Bear one another’s burdens, but each one will bear his own load” -Gal. 6:2,5

As summer quickly approaches, most teenagers are thinking about the summer schedule and the infamous summer job. Many parents are arranging those jobs for their teens which is okay, but it’s better when they figure it out on their own. Too often we’re helicopter parents, hovering over our teens, taking care of it all for them.

I remember getting ready for summer at the end of my freshman year of high school in Fort Worth, Texas. I knew I was going to Young Life’s Frontier camp during August, but June and July were open. My buddies were getting jobs and I kinda wanted one too. So, I began the search and scoured the employment section of the newspaper. There was a job opening at a Taco Bell in the tough part of Fort Worth. I went and interviewed and I was hired to work the six to midnight shift. So, for June and July I worked the late shift at Taco Bell. It was a tough experience, but so good for me. It was good because it was my deal. I owned it. I found it. I interviewed and I got the job all by myself. My dad didn’t work it out for me. Years later, my parents laughed with me about that job. They told me they were both shocked when I went and got that job. I was too, but my self-esteem and confidence grew a lot that summer. And I made a little money too. By the way, minimum wage in 1973 was a whopping $1.60. Today its nearly $8.00. Crazy.

It can be so difficult not to help out our kids. Sure, there are times when we need to jump in and help, but most of the time, we’re taking responsibility when we really need to back off and let our teen work it out. They need to bear the load themselves and we need to do the hard work of doing nothing.

We do need to remind them that in the high school years, allowance is their responsibility in the summer. We remind them that they have chores to do if they’re living in the home. We remind them that there are guidelines of respect that exist for everyone in the family. Then we leave it up to them. If they’re prepared to live on the modest amount we supply as parents for the essentials, then that’s their choice. They learn that if they’d like to “up their standard of living” then they’ll either have to win the lottery (just kidding) or find a job somewhere.

It’s all a part of learning responsibility and teenagers have to learn that on their own. Don’t expect a pat on the back for this one. We all struggle a bit with work. We’d all rather take a vacation than practice a vocation (I just made that up, thank you). But learning the value of work as a teenager better prepares adolescents for a life of purpose and work later on.

So, be the encourager as your teen is learning to take responsibility and if they land at the neighborhood Taco Bell, cheer them on!

by Joseph Staples ©