Calculations
OK, this article is only for control freak parents. Take this brief (and obviously unscientific) “yes or no” quiz to determine your P.C.Q. (parenting control quotient):
1. You not only cut up your teen’s steak for them, but you number it as well.
2. You throw a temper tantrum when any school activity time is changed.
3. You check your teen’s Facebook page over 100 times daily.
4. You sit on the couch and heckle that sloppy Martha Stewart Show.
5. You promise you wouldn’t correct your teen’s breathing if they weren’t doing it all wrong.
6. You get upset when your teen scores less than 100% on the assignment you did for him.
7. You get more technical fouls that any coach or player and you’re not even on the team.
If you answered “yes” to any of these questions, read on. If you answered “no” to all of them, then call me. I need your advice!
The test is obviously a joke, but I’m more and more convinced that we all have control issues. I think it’s inherent in each of us to want to want the upper hand in every situation. Pride is alive and well in each of us and we naturally bring that issue into our parenting. Some are more overt and others are more covert, but we all want our kids to succeed and we’re inclined to help produce that result when we can.
Here’s the simple problem: we are not God, but we attempt to calculate it all out as though we were. We fill the blackboard with every possible scenario under the guise that we’ve got it predicted and controlled, but we’re not even close.
Our loving God chuckles as he continues on his course in the life of our children. He loves our kids so much that he engineers circumstances to produce humility and brokenness in their lives. Why? God wants them to hopefully acknowledge who He is and rest in His peace. It’s the ultimate tough love and that can't be predicted in a formula on a blackboard, no matter how much we try to control the environment around us.
So, put down that calculator and teach your kids how to cut their own steak. Relax and let them fail and succeed. Remember, you’re preparing them for life and they’re prepared best when they’re submitting to the ultimate controller: the loving God of Eternity!
by Joey Staples ©
Posted by .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address) on 04/12 at 10:50 AM
As parents, it’s challenging to know when to step in to our teens’ lives and when to stay out. Too often, we’re inclined to step into our teen’s episodes when we really should let them handle it.
Case in point: athletics. It’s Monday after practice and our freshman teen announces at dinner that, “at practice today, I started at shortstop.” Inwardly, pride builds as the picture of our son starting for the St. Louis Cardinals grows and the smile on our face expands. But that’s on the inside. Outwardly, we encourage him with a “great job son. You have a game on Friday, right”? Back to that secret conversation with ourselves, “oh my gosh…he’ll get that scholarship to college (that I never got) and then that signing bonus money with the Cardinals! This is great!” Outwardly, “well, just remember to have fun.” Inwardly, “yeah, have fun but you better catch every ball that comes your way. There may be scouts there!”
Now fast forward to the baseball game. Your son has spent the entire game sitting on the bench and you are furious. By the end of the game, he hasn’t played one inning and you’re determined to call the coach the next day to find out why he “benched” your professionally talented son.
At home later you gently but sternly quiz your son, “what happened- why didn’t you play?” “I don’t know,” your son replies, “maybe cause the starting shortstop got well.” You asked, “so he was sick earlier in the week?” “Well, yeah…I only started ‘cause he was gone. But that’s OK- he’s better than I am.”
Your heart softens and you realize again that it’s his life, not yours. You realize that these are his “loads to bear.” If he’s to grow up and be able to handle life, then he’ll need to learn to handle life now. Paul reminds the Galatian church to “bear one another’s burdens” (Gal. 6:2). That word “burden” is the word bare, meaning “very heavy load.” Two verses later, Paul reminds that same church to “let each one bear his own burden.” Does Paul contradict himself? No. That word for “burden” is phorton, meaning “small load.” In other words, we help with heavy loads, but we pass on the small loads. We don’t need to call coaches. We need to let our teens handle their own small issues.
But that doesn’t mean we do nothing! We pray, we trust, we encourage and we are there to consult. And though we’d gladly bear their burden for them, we let them learn and grow.
Yes, help your teen through the tough times, but let them experience the trial- it’s the only way they will learn to fly on their own.
Posted by .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address) on 04/12 at 10:53 AM
