Shelterwood

Saturday, April 24, 2010

Trusting Teens

“Love always trusts…” -1 Cor. 13

You already know I love the Andy Griffith Show. Many asked how long it would be before Andy Griffith themes entered my blog scene. Well, it begins today! How can there be any discussion about “trusting kids” without referring to Opie and Andy. But for those that don't care for the Andy Griffith Show (which makes me sad), I won't go there every day- I promise!

One of my favorite episodes is called “Mr. McBeevee.” While walking through the woods, Opie meets Mr. McBeevee, a telephone repairman. Opie, in describing his new friend to Andy and Barney, remarks McBeevee "lives in the trees" (climbs telephone poles to do his work) and "jingles when he walks" and "has 12 extra hands" (referring to the repairman's tools). Since Andy and Barney have not met McBeevee and are unable to track him down, they chalk Opie's enthusiastic description to childhood imagination. That is, until one day Opie comes home with a quarter McBeevee had given him. Andy immediately suspects Opie stole the quarter and takes him to the woods to return it. McBeevee, in the meantime, has been called away to assist fellow workers at another site and has left by the time Andy and Opie arrive. The sheriff takes Opie home to punish him, but backs off (to Barney's chagrin) when he believes his son. In an important scene, Barney questions Andy, “so you believe there is a Mr. McBeevee?” “No Barney, I don’t, but I do believe in Opie,” responds Andy. At the end of the episode, Andy goes to the forest and, having parked next to a telephone pole, fumes aloud, "Mr. McBeevee!" McBeevee immediately shows up, and the two become quick friends.

Trusting is defined as “having a confident expectation of something; hope.” Sometimes it’s not easy trusting in our kids. When they fall short of a goal or fail to reach an objective, it’s easy to lose sight of the hope. It’s been said that “love is willing to be naive and is willing to risk being hurt.” Sometimes the thing our kids need the most is for us as parents to trust in them when they struggle to believe in themselves. When our teen plays a poor game of basketball and wants to quit that night, he needs us to remind them of how good he is. When our teen brings home a poor grade on that test and says they’re “dumb,” he needs us to remind him of how smart he is. When that boyfriend breaks up with your daughter and she’s convinced no guy will ever be interested, she needs us to remind her of how lovable she is. And when they’re confused about life, they need us to remind them of how much God loves them.

By the way, if your teen willfully lies, deal with the dishonesty sternly. But also step back and realize that sometimes teens twist the truth because they’re afraid of how we’ll handle the truth.

Andy trusted his son and not the circumstance. As Andy said, ”I guess these are the times when you have to have faith.” Love charges us as parents to trust in our teens, even when they or someone else does not. Pray for a heart that loves, even when all logic says to doubt.

Joseph Staples ©

Posted by John DeVries on 04/24 at 03:55 PM

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Wednesday, April 21, 2010

The Bully

I’ve read too many stories lately about kids being attacked by other kids. A recent study showed that 23% of elementary students reported they had been picked on in the last month. It is believed that nearly 100,000 students carry handguns to school. A recent survey showed 77% of high school students felt bullying was destructive in their schools. Emotional, verbal and physical abuse occur way too often in a typical school day and chances are your teenager is affected in some way.

I remember the summer after 6th grade I was playing in my backyard in Fort Worth with some friends and we planned a campout under the trampoline that night. We were putting sheets over the trampoline to make a fort, when none other than the “snooty” kid from down the street came over to play. He was just kind of mean to most kids, but he and I had got along okay. He stood there for a while and then asked if he could spend the night with us. Kind, sensitive, godly me said, “no” and went back to working on the fort. That kid left, went home and told his mom that we wouldn't let him spend the night. His mom called my mom and guess what? After a pretty tough lecture from my mom, he spent the night with us. I’m guessing it wasn’t much fun, but I think back to that incident and I think I was the one being the bully.

There should absolutely be no tolerance for kids that beat up kids, emotionally or verbally. School should be a place of protection and safety. But it is important, too, to look at the “whys” behind the perpetrators of abuse. Typically, they are kids that have been abused. They are kids that need to be loved and the abuse is their irrational attempt to be protected.

We need to teach our kids to report bullying and set their boundaries. But we also need to teach our kids to love. My mom taught me a good lesson that summer day. She taught me that it’s not okay to bully the bully. She taught me that rejecting the rejected only leads to more rejection. I ended up being pretty good friends with that kid, not best friends, but friends.

Teach your teen to set boundaries but teach your teen to love the unlovable. Of course, it’s difficult to teach what we don't practice, so pray for a heart that loves and respects the unlovable.

That, after all, was what God did for us. Through Christ, God chooses to love us. And because of His grace, we can spend the night with Him anytime!

by Joseph Staples ©

Posted by John DeVries on 04/21 at 02:56 PM

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Monday, April 12, 2010

Calculations

OK, this article is only for control freak parents. Take this brief (and obviously unscientific) “yes or no” quiz to determine your P.C.Q. (parenting control quotient):

1. You not only cut up your teen’s steak for them, but you number it as well.
2. You throw a temper tantrum when any school activity time is changed.
3. You check your teen’s Facebook page over 100 times daily.
4. You sit on the couch and heckle that sloppy Martha Stewart Show.
5. You promise you wouldn’t correct your teen’s breathing if they weren’t doing it all wrong.
6. You get upset when your teen scores less than 100% on the assignment you did for him.
7. You get more technical fouls that any coach or player and you’re not even on the team.

If you answered “yes” to any of these questions, read on. If you answered “no” to all of them, then call me. I need your advice!

The test is obviously a joke, but I’m more and more convinced that we all have control issues. I think it’s inherent in each of us to want to want the upper hand in every situation. Pride is alive and well in each of us and we naturally bring that issue into our parenting. Some are more overt and others are more covert, but we all want our kids to succeed and we’re inclined to help produce that result when we can.

Here’s the simple problem: we are not God, but we attempt to calculate it all out as though we were. We fill the blackboard with every possible scenario under the guise that we’ve got it predicted and controlled, but we’re not even close.

Our loving God chuckles as he continues on his course in the life of our children. He loves our kids so much that he engineers circumstances to produce humility and brokenness in their lives. Why? God wants them to hopefully acknowledge who He is and rest in His peace. It’s the ultimate tough love and that can't be predicted in a formula on a blackboard, no matter how much we try to control the environment around us.

So, put down that calculator and teach your kids how to cut their own steak. Relax and let them fail and succeed. Remember, you’re preparing them for life and they’re prepared best when they’re submitting to the ultimate controller: the loving God of Eternity!

by Joey Staples ©

Posted by John DeVries on 04/12 at 10:50 AM

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Thursday, April 08, 2010

The Game Plan

Basketball! It’s truly been March Madness the past few weeks! My bracket busted early on and I had no team picked for the final four. Pretty bad. It seems like I always pick poorly but it’s still fun. Though not as popular as the NCAA’s, the NAIA Championships were right here in Branson this year at the College of the Ozarks. The #15 seed Saint Francis of Indiana won the Championship as a huge underdog.

A few days after the tournament concluded, I was in the locker room getting ready for a workout when I noticed the blackboard that had been used in the Saint Francis locker room during the game. It had some basketball play drawn on it and a simple phrase written at the top, “National Champs!” I took a picture of the board on my iPhone.

I thought about it later. That team probably sat there at halftime, in the heat of the competition, and the coach probably gave them the “you can do it” speech. He then wrote out a dream on the board. Of course, he didn't just leave them hanging- he followed up the dream with a plan. He shared with them a strategy. The team bought into the dream and the plan and the dream became a reality. Now they are the Champions!

I wonder what your dream is for your family? Proverbs 29:18 reads, “where there is no vision, the people perish.” What an awesome gift we are handed when God blesses us with our spouses and children. We desire success and prosperity for our families but sometimes we fail to set prayerful, realistic goals for where we’re headed. Much like a budget, it’s freeing; not constraining, when we have a plan.

I wonder what being “National Champs” looks like for your family? It’s not about winning in sports. If anything, America’s families are too consumed with athletics (but I’ll address that issue another day). It’s about goals to build strong relationships, no matter the ages of your kids. Make the goals a little tough. Even if you fall short, you’ll be stronger because of the plan.

In Alice in Wonderland, Alice asked the Cheshire Cat to help her find the way. “Well, that depends on where you want to get to,” says the Cat. Alice replies, “Oh, it really doesn’t matter.” The Cat responds, “then it really doesn't matter which way you go.”

Decide where your family is going and write that goal on the family blackboard! Take some time to write out goals for your family: spiritual goals, financial goals, relational goals, goals for any area that will help your family win that Championship trophy…

…a family that loves one another and yields to God’s plan.

by Joseph Staples ©

Posted by John DeVries on 04/08 at 11:21 AM

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Wednesday, April 07, 2010

Check ups

Over the years, I've watched hero after Christian hero "crash"-- divorce, affairs, abuse...you name it. It made me angry and it scared me. It still scares me. It always leaves me realizing my own frailty and potential to "blow it."

I have been challenged with the Biblical principle of accountability. After the partner of a popular Christian singer was discovered in an affair he said, "The key to staying pure is accountability."  He is absolutely right!

King Solomon wrote in the Bible, "Two are better than one because they have a good return for their labor, for if either of them falls, the one will lift up his companion...a cord of three strands is not quickly torn apart." (Ecclesiastes 4:9-12)

I guess there’s irony in Solomon writing those words in that he himself would fail miserably in his own idolatry.  I’m thinking, “two are better, but only if I’m willing to listen to others’ advice.” I’m thinking Solomon was “flying solo” when he should have been relying on his friends and his God.

I don't want to fall. I want there to be true accountability in my life- friends to speak truth to me when I’m blind in a situation. I've always had good, close friends, but lately I’m making sure those relationships are up to date…lunch with an older mentor each week, dates with my wife Jeanie, monthly calls with my best friend in Nashville who knows me, and most of all, daily time with my best friend, Jesus.

As summer approaches, I’m making sure true friends surround me and are checking up on me. I need to be surrounded. I have to be surrounded.

Who surrounds you?

by Joseph Staples ©

Posted by John DeVries on 04/07 at 11:47 AM

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Monday, April 05, 2010

The Loss

Sometimes it’s especially difficult to deal with a loss. When my grandfather died in 6th grade, it was tough. When we lost the city championship in football in ’76, I was overwhelmed. When someone stole my bike in college, I was ticked! When my dad passed away in the late 80’s, I was devastated.

I lost something else last year and it really bothered me. It was small, but a loss to me. Someone brought some candy into my office. Reluctantly, I put a piece in my mouth and began to chew. Immediately, I felt a crown in the back of my mouth come lose. I felt back there with a finger and it was gone. I couldn't believe it. I was ticked. I was upset. I was surprised. I was disappointed. It hurt and it would be expensive to fix.

I called my dentist office. They didn't have an opening till the next week. I pleaded, but they said I’d have to wait. I considered calling the dentist himself, a good friend. I considered calling another dentist. But I finally conceded that I’d have to live with the loss.

Truth is, I wanted to find fault. But a person didn’t cause it. It wasn’t Bit-0-honey’s fault. My mouth didn't cause the problem. I simply lost a tooth. And there were no guarantees. Maybe I’d lose another.  I needed to let it go. The tooth was gone and worrying about it wouldn't bring it back. I had to let it go, I needed to let it go, I wanted to let it go.

One last time, with my tongue,  I reached into the back of mouth. Maybe it was a dream? Maybe I’d only imagined the loss?  Nope, the tooth was gone.  I decided to let it go. There is such power in “letting go and letting God.” I’ve found that when I give it over to my loving God, He brings comfort to the difficulty.

I wonder what you need to release to Him today?

by Joseph Staples ©

Posted by John DeVries on 04/05 at 05:01 PM

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Sunday, April 04, 2010

Get Real

I often hear teenagers say, “Hey, I’m not about to open up to my parents. They’ve never opened up to me!” Most teenagers feel their parents are stoic, perfect, unapproachable people who think they aren't “required” to be real and honest. Most parents reserve their “realness” for a heavy discussion in the master bedroom or time out with the buddies. It’s important for our kids to see vulnerability, humility and real feelings from us. They will model what they see in you.

But, there is a fine line. It doesn't mean your kids need to be in on the details of you marriage struggles or business problems. As parents, we don't need to unload emotional difficulties on them they aren’t mature enough to handle. But remember, teenagers tend to imitate the vulnerability they observe in their parents. Years ago we called it a “generation gap.” What fills the gap is a parents’ willingness to share their real life feelings.

Let’s say your son shares over dinner about his disappointment over not starting on the basketball team. It’s solid gold when you share a story from your teenage years about a disappointing experience. We're respected more when our kids see and hear about our difficulties and imperfections. Don’t let pride rule- they already know you aren't perfect.

Humble yourself and let your kids know about the real you. It will help them navigate their lives more than you know!

by Joseph Staples ©

Posted by John DeVries on 04/04 at 08:49 PM

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Monday, March 29, 2010

Peace

I read an article on world history the other day. Did you know that in 3500 years of human history, only 300 of those years could be called “warless.” Over 8000 treaties have been made and broken during that time. Peace defined is “that brief, glorious moment in history when everybody stands around reloading.”  Very sad but true. Man has tried and tried to reconcile and bring “peace in our time”, but truth is, man and peace apparently don't mix well. Whether between countries or in families, war seems to rule the day.

In the Old Testament, David contemplated the irony of the name “Jerusalem, City of Peace.” It was city full of war with the hope of peace. In Psalm 122, David said to pray for the peace of Jerusalem. In the Old Testament,  Jerusalem housed the presence of the Lord, but was a city of war. 

Today, our bodies are the dwelling place of God. In 1 Cor. 6:19, Paul reminds us that our bodies are “the temple of the Holy Spirit.” We are built for peace, but in our flesh, are inclined towards struggle.  It is so important that we remember that we have the source of peace residing in our lives.  Paul calls us “chosen instruments of Christ” in Acts 9:15. The challenge today is to let God keep his hands on you as His instrument.

Ask yourself today “how can I be a peacemaker?” Where I work, in my family, at school, how can I be a promote peace with those around me?  Pray for the Lord to use you as an instrument of peace.

Let your life today highlight the “treaty” between you and God- a treaty of peace.

by Joey Staples ©

Posted by John DeVries on 03/29 at 09:35 PM

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Thursday, March 25, 2010

Raising the barn

“Teamwork is the key to victory….and there’s no “I” in the word team,” emphasized the coach. Anyone who’s competed athletically has heard these quotes before. We all are on teams. Small teams. Big teams. Teams at work. The team called family. Teams at church. The teams in the dorm.

Teams are a part of life. And teams usually produce great results.

Joseph Mlaker tells the story about Mr. Ostry’s barn floor being under twenty-nine inches of water because of a rising creek. The Bruno, Nebraska farmer invited a few friends to a barn raising. He needed to move his entire 17,000-pound barn to a new foundation more than 143 feet away. His son Mike devised a lattice work of steel tubing, and nailed, bolted and welded it on the inside and the outside of the barn. Hundreds of handles were attached. After a practice lift, 344 volunteers slowly walked the barn up the slight incline, each supporting less than fifty pounds. In just three minutes, the barn was on its new foundation. The team off 344 accomplished what one person could not.

Truth is, a team can accomplish great things when it works together. Of course, being on a team doesn’t necessarily make someone a team player. Good team players understand their role, allow others to play their role, and don't care who gets credit.

Step back and think of the team “rosters” you are on today. Are you a good team player with your family, with your friends, at your church? If you’re not encouraged by what you see, pray for an attitude of respect and a heart that plays for the team. Let the Lord be your coach in every situation and be sure your teammates help you carry the load as you help them bear their burden. Scripture says in Psalm 13:1, “how good it is for brothers to dwell together in unity.” Love and respect your teammates and enjoy the “good” that comes from being a true team player.

After all, barns, like life’s burdens, can sure seem heavy when you’re carrying them by yourself.

Joey Staples ©

Posted by John DeVries on 03/25 at 11:21 AM

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Friday, March 05, 2010

Joey’s Corner

We’ve made it to March! I love the weather this time of year. Though winter can be stubborn, the first signs of Spring emerge, as they do every year about this time in the Ozarks. Some plants begin to show signs of blooming while others are still dormant, waiting for warmer days to emerge. Plants are a lot like teenagers. They grow and bloom in their own time, at their own pace. All the pushing on our parts as parents won't change their pace of growth. Every plant and every child is different.

When I was a new parent, Darnell White handed me this article one day.  It’s an excerpt from a book written nearly 60 years ago by R.W. White titled “Lives of progress:” 

"Raising plants is one of mankind’s most successful activities.  Perhaps success comes from the fact that the husbandman does not try to thrust impossible patterns on his plants. He respects their peculiarities, tries to provide suitable conditions, protects them from more serious kinds of injury, but he lets the plants do the growing. He does not try to poke at the seed in order to make it sprout more quickly, nor does he seize the shoot when it breaks ground and try to pull open the first leaves by hand. Neither does he trim the leaves of different kinds of plants in order to have them all look alike. The attitude of the husbandman is appropriate in dealing with children. It is the children who must do the growing - and only through the push of their own budding interest.”

As parents, there is such freedom in the letting go and letting our kids grow at their pace and in their timing. Perhaps you’re a frustrated planter these days. No doubt, growing kids is a tough job. We just have to remember that we’re there to protect, respect and provide for our precious plants, not force them to grow at the pace we desire. Let God do the growing and relax in God’s timing. We can trust that even when the budding seems a bit late, that in the difficulty, a plant is emerging that’s better able to withstand life’s storms. God, after all, is the Master Gardener. If I correctly focus on my own growth, a beautiful garden will emerge.

Have a great day and enjoy Spring!

by Joseph Staples ©

Posted by John DeVries on 03/05 at 01:50 PM

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Thursday, January 28, 2010

Adoption

“He predestined us to adoption as sons through Jesus Christ to Himself, according to the kind intention of His will” -Eph. 1:5

A few weeks ago, the world watched in horror as a mother made the decision to “un-adopt” her adopted Russian son by simply putting him on a plane and sending him back to Russia. Unbelievable. Unthinkable.

You may have read the story about the little girl in the 1st grade class. One day, the teacher asked the kids where they were born. The little girl answered, “I’m not sure, I was adopted by my mommy and daddy.” Later, at recess, one of her friends commented, “I never knew you were adopted. That sounds weird.” The little girl responded, “No, it’s not weird. Your mommy had you in her tummy, but my mommy had me in her heart.”

1.7 million households in America have adopted kids. Most of these families are thriving as wonderful parents reach out to love their families. Yet media tends to slant adopted kids as alienated and unhappy. But most adopted kids grow up just fine, with normal struggles just like all kids.

A famous study in the 90’s by the Search Institute of Minneapolis showed that a majority of adopted teens were strongly attached to their families and psychologically healthy. In fact, adopted teens scored better than non adopted siblings in connectedness, caring, and academics. I have worked with many adopted kids in my years at Sheltrwood. Do adopted kids have problems? You bet. But so do non adopted kids.

Here are some famous adopted adults:

• Nancy Regan (former First Lady)
• Halle Berry (actress)
• Robert Byrd (U.S. senator)
• Peter and Kitty Caruthers (figure skaters)
• Eric Dickerson (football player)
• Former president Gerald Ford
• Melissa Gilbert (actress)
• Scott Hamilton (Olympic gold medalist skater)
• Debbie Harry (singer, A.K.A. Blondie)
• Faith Hill (singer)
• Steve Jobs (co-founder of Apple Computers)
• Dave Thomas (founder of Wendy’s)
•Jim Lightfoot (congressman)
•Jim Palmer (professional baseball player)

Another more recent study was led by Matt McGue at the University of Minnesota and included over 1000 children, including adolescents and their siblings. Funded by the National Institute of Mental Health, it is called the Siblings Interaction and Behavior Study (SIBS). Researchers concluded that adopted kids had as close a relationship to their siblings as non adopted kids. In addition, they found no greater risk for emotional problems than among non adopted kids. You can read more about adopted kids in Parenting your Adopted Child: a positive approach to building a strong family by Andrew Adesman, M.D. (McGraw-Hill, 2004).

If you are feeling led toward adoption, let me strongly encourage you to “stay the course.” The choice to be a parent, through adoption or not, is a choice to love. Either way, God is in control and knows just what we need.

After all, God knows a lot about adoption. He adopted us as His sons and daughters a long time ago.

By Joseph Staples ©

Posted by John DeVries on 01/28 at 12:03 PM

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Monday, December 21, 2009

Pornography

A Blue Bird singing at the top of a tree saw a man walking through the woods holding a little box. He asked the man, “What do you have in the box?”

The man said, “Worms. I will sell you a worm for one feather.” The Blue Bird plucked out one feather and took his worm and said to himself, “Why work when it’s so easy to get food this way?” After many days, there were no more feathers to pay for the worms.

By now the Blue Bird could no longer fly, and he was so ashamed of his appearance that he no longer sang pretty songs.

Like the Blue Bird, we may seek instant gratification from the things the world might offer but we will find the price is too high, and eventually learn that there are no short-cuts to mental and spiritual health. Remember that one can never get enough of what they don’t really need because what they don’t really need will never truly satisfy them.

Pornography is like the worms in the box. Every time you partake a beautiful part of yourself is given up in return. Luckily in a spiritual sense you can reclaim your feathers through the process of repentance and change. Reclaim your feathers now!

Taken from   http://helpforpornaddicts.com/

Posted by John DeVries on 12/21 at 06:39 PM

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Helicopter Parents

There’s been a lot written these days about the new concept of “helicopter parenting.” The helicopter analogy describes the over-protecting and over-controlling parent that “hovers” over their child like a helicopter, always watching and quickly landing any time a situation needs to be fixed by the parent. But you know, helicopters have been around a long time. Over 500 years ago, in 1505, the Italian artist and inventor Leonardo da Vinci designed a hand glider and a helicopter. Though the illegitimate son of a peasant woman, he was easily a genius and had always been fascinated with flight. Of course, he drew the Mona Lisa and the Lord’s Supper and conceptualized a calculator and a tank. But his drawing of a helicopter was arguably his greatest design, prompting later workable models.  The hand glider model has been flown but his aerial screw helicopter concept could not provide lift and a workable model was never designed. You can view the original drawings in the science museum in Milan, Italy, da Vinci’s hometown. But workable models were finally developed and now the helicopter is a mainstay of the aviation industry. It’s ability to take off and land vertically, to hover for extended periods of time and to maneuver at low airspeed have made it an invaluable tool for military, police and industrial uses. Even before da Vinci’s invention, 3500 years earlier, there was another helicopter that lifted off just fine.

Her name was Rebekah. She was married to Isaac and was pregnant with twins, Esau and Jacob. Early on, when the pregnancy was difficult, she inquired of God and He let her know that one day Esau would submit to Jacob. She apparently never let Isaac in on this declaration. Isaac declared his preference for Esau and Rebekah admitted that Jacob was her favorite and the helicopter lifted off. She hovered and hovered, fixing this and fixing that. That’s what good helicopters do. They move here and there, never content, in search of any problem they can solve. “Isaac prefers Esau? Well, I’ll fix that,” thought Rebekah, so she devised her trickery. It’s all recorded in Genesis Chapter 25. Through deception and manipulation, she worked out everything to provide the success that she felt her son deserved. Helicopter parents do that well: they talk with coaches to make sure their kids get more playing time, they do their kids homework so they’ll get A’s, they make all their kids’ decisions so failure is never an option. Ironically, when Rebekah’s plan back-fired (and they usually do), she sent Jacob away and would never see him again. The truth is, without her over-controlling ways, God was going to take care of her Jacob.

This is an excerpt from the book Daring to Draw Near by John White. In it, White reviews 10 prayers in the Bible and the people behind the prayers. This one is about Rebekah, Jacob and their struggle with God: “Jacob surely must have realized that Esau was his dad’s favorite, etc. But he also must have known from his mother about the promise God had made. Yet neither Rebekah nor Jacob took the promise seriously enough. It was as though they extracted from it the feeling that Jacob had the right to supremacy over Esau, but both of them lacked trust that God would give what he had promised. If, then, Jacob was to get his due, it was to be by playing on Esau’s weaknesses, by deception, and by superstition. In these ways he struggled half his life to gain for himself the things God had planned to give him anyway. In the end he gained exactly what God had promised (but no more). Tragically he had missed, in the struggle, the peace and the fellowship with God he might otherwise have enjoyed. God had wanted him to have the inheritance plus peace and fellowship with himself, Instead Jacob had twenty-one years of anxiety.”

Of course, that’s the truth in these situations: ultimately it’s a problem with our trust in God. My “helicoptering” of my child is an attempt to over-control what God is doing in their lives. I need to land that helicopter and be available to my teenager when he needs me. I need to relax and trust. When my child is a pre-teen, I need to be there to protect and shelter, but the teenage years are different. I need to know that trials and struggles in my child’s life are there for their good. Getting cut off the basketball team or making a C will not ruin their lives. God will use these struggles and trials just like he uses them in my life: to produce endurance and faith. So land that helicopter! Take out the keys and rest. Better yet, give those keys to someone else. Why not hand them to the loving and wonderful God of the Universe that gave you that child to begin with and knows what your child needs.

© Joey Staples

Posted by John DeVries on 12/21 at 06:28 PM

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Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Shelterwood Students Serve

The eighth Thanksgiving Serve Project was a huge success! Here in the Ozarks and down at the Gulf Coast, the teams worked so hard! I am so proud of the whole Doulos team and all that was accomplished last week. These "mission trips" are all about reaching out and loving people.

Here in Branson, we divided everyone on campus into three work crews. The teams served on three projects: the "food basket team" delivered food baskets to 50 families that wouldn't have had a meal otherwise. The "raking team" raked and cleaned yards for elderly. The "building crew" helped get a new church ready for construction. We rotated the crews each day, so everyone got to experience each project. Everyone did a great job!

A fourth crew of 15 spent the week cleaning up debris from Katrina and cutting down trees that might do damage in the next hurricane. We stayed at the Retreat center in Kiln, Mississippi, helping clean up debris there. We also sent a crew into New Orleans and cut down damaged trees.  Part of the team stayed at the home of Skip and Barbara in New Orleans. We painted their house and helped clean their yard, damaged by Katrina.

Whether a "Mission trip" in New Orleans, Africa, or right here, it's been a great "classroom" to make us all a little uncomfortable, get our eyes off ourselves and serve the Lord.
Thanks for your prayers and to those who gave financially, thanks for making this trip possible.

© Joey Staples
Executive Director

Posted by John DeVries on 11/25 at 12:26 PM

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Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Emotional Health

            It can be very difficult to determine when to place your child in treatment.  A good place to start this evaluation is to simply make a subjective assessment of their general emotional health.  Mental or emotional health refers to ones overall psychological well-being.  It includes the way one feels about oneself, the quality of their relationships, and their ability to manage feelings and deal with difficulties.  Good emotional health isn't just the absence of mental health problems.  Being mentally or emotionally healthy is much more than being free of depression, anxiety, or other psychological issues.  Rather than the absence of mental illness, mental and emotional health refers to the presence of positive characteristics.  Sometimes when considering outpatient treatment parents ask themselves, “is my teen ‘bad’ enough to warrant treatment”.  But maybe we should be asking, is our teen healthy enough to stay at home and deal with life as a young adult.  Here are some of the abilities that a teen needs to live a productive life.

People who are emotionally healthy have:

• A sense of contentment.
• A zest for living and the ability to laugh and have fun.
• The ability to deal with stress and bounce back from adversity.
• A sense of meaning and purpose, in both their activities and their relationships.
• The flexibility to learn new things and adapt to change.
• A balance between work and play, rest and activity, etc.
• The ability to build and maintain fulfilling relationships.
• Self-confidence and high self-esteem.

These positive characteristics of mental and emotional health allow you to participate in life to the fullest extent possible through productive, meaningful activities and strong relationships. These positive characteristics also help you cope when faced with life's challenges and stresses.

John DeVries ©

Posted by John DeVries on 09/23 at 11:27 AM

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